You’re Not “Too Much” Understanding Emotional Intensity Through a DBT Lens

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “too emotional,” this blog is for you.

There is a particular kind of pain that comes from feeling like your emotions are “wrong.”
The shame is quiet but constant:

• Why do I react so intensely?

• Why can’t I just be normal?

• Why does everything hit me harder than everyone else?

• Why do I feel everything so deeply?

• What’s wrong with me?

If you relate to this, let me be clear:

You are not too much. You are not broken. You feel deeply — and there’s a reason for that.

And with the right tools, that emotional intensity can be understood, regulated, and even become one of your greatest strengths.

This is exactly where Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) comes in.

1. Emotional Intensity Isn’t a Personality Flaw — It’s a Nervous System Pattern

Some people truly do feel emotions more strongly.
Biologically, this can look like:

✔ a lower threshold for emotional activation
✔ faster emotional responses
✔ bigger internal reactions than the average person
✔ slower return to baseline once triggered

That means you go from 0 → 100 quickly, and 100 → 0 takes longer.
This is emotional sensitivity — not weakness.

In DBT, we call this biological vulnerability, and it’s incredibly common among people who struggle with:

• BPD traits

• childhood invalidation

• trauma histories

• chronic stress

• identity confusion

• “big feelings” that feel impossible to control

There is nothing shameful about having strong emotions.
This is simply how your nervous system is wired.

2. Growing Up Without Support Makes Emotional Intensity Feel Like a Burden

Many emotionally sensitive people grow up in environments where big feelings were:

• dismissed

• punished

• mocked

• minimized

• ignored

• or met with chaos

This teaches you:

• “My feelings are dangerous.”

• “I need to hide who I am.”

• “People leave when I’m upset.”

• “I’m a burden.”

• “I take up too much space.”

Those messages can follow you into adulthood — especially into relationships.

DBT helps you rewrite this story by giving you tools to make your inner world feel safer.

3. What DBT Says About Feeling “Too Much”

DBT doesn’t try to shut down your emotions.
It helps you understand them.

It teaches that emotional intensity is:

✔ real

✔ valid

✔ shaped by your biology and environment

✔ manageable with the right skills

✔ something that can be channeled, not feared

You don’t have to “calm down” or “stop caring so much.”
You have to learn how to ride the wave instead of getting swept under it.

4. The Skills That Change Everything

Here are a few DBT skills that people with emotional intensity often find life-changing:

Distress Tolerance: Survive the Height of the Emotion

DBT teaches practical tools like:

• ice diving

• paced breathing

• grounding techniques

• distraction in the short-term

• sensory regulation

These skills help you get through emotional spikes without self-sabotaging.

Emotion Regulation: Understand + Work With Your Emotions

You learn to:

• identify emotions more clearly

• understand what triggered them

• reduce vulnerability to emotional overload

• build habits that stabilize your mood

• make choices aligned with your long-term goals

This gives you the internal control you’ve been craving.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: Navigating Relationships Without Losing Yourself

People with emotional sensitivity often struggle with:

• fear of abandonment

• saying no

• feeling “too much” in friendships or dating

• emotional dependency

• explosive reactions

• shutting down completely

DBT teaches you how to communicate your needs clearly, ask for support, and set boundaries — without guilt or panic.

Mindfulness: Learn to Slow Down the Spiral

Mindfulness in DBT isn’t about being calm.
It’s about awareness.

It helps you:

• notice the emotion without becoming it

• pause before reacting

• stay grounded inside your body

• create space between the trigger and the outcome

That space is where change happens.

5. There Is Nothing Wrong With Having Big Emotions

One thing I tell my clients all the time:

Intensity isn’t the enemy. It’s the unskillful reactions that cause the damage.

Your sensitivity is also:

• why you care so deeply

• why you love intensely

• why you notice things others miss

• why you feel empathy at a level most people can’t

• why you’re passionate, perceptive, creative, and intuitive

Your emotions aren’t a flaw — they’re the gift you never got tools for.

6. If You Feel “Too Much,” Therapy Can Change Your Life

Working with a DBT therapist can help you:

• understand your emotional patterns

• build stability

• break self-sabotaging cycles

• calm your nervous system

• stop feeling ashamed of your intensity

• develop healthier relationships

• build an identity that feels grounded

• respond instead of react

You deserve relationships — and a life — where you feel understood, supported, and safe to be who you are.

You’re Not Too Much. You’re Someone Who Needs Skills, Support, and Safety.

If emotional overwhelm is affecting your relationships, school, work, or sense of self, you don’t have to figure this out alone. Madeline Ritts, LAPC at Empowering Change Counseling specializes in DBT-informed therapy for teens and adults navigating emotional intensity, identity challenges, and BPD traits. She understands what it’s like to feel everything all at once — and she can help you feel grounded, capable, and in control.

👉 Schedule a session with Maddie today and start building the life you deserve.
You are not too much — you’re just ready for tools that match your sensitivity.